#2 An Eco-Friendly Car That Doesn’t Look Like a Deformed Weiner
I don’t think any American in their right mind would deny either the economic or environmental benefits of owning an eco-friendly car. From day one, you consume less gasoline, which means you don’t have to spend as much moolah at the pump, and you don’t emit as many pollutants into the beautiful air. Seems like a real win-win situation, if it wasn’t for one remaining factor: eco-friendly cars, with only a handful of extremely over-priced exceptions, look like deformed weiners.
Even if you have absolutely nothing wrong with weiners, or even deformed weiners for that matter, you probably still don’t want to drive around in anything that even vaguely resembles the male genitalia. Granted, Americans are often too pre-occupied with superficial things, like clothing and accessories. We believe these superficial things reflect upon ourselves: unattractive people wear unattractive clothes, for example. I admit that this sort of thinking is usually completely ridiculous, but not always - when you drive around in a phallic-shaped vehicle, I’m sorry to break the news, you kinda look like a dick.
I am by no means a scientist, but I don’t understand why car manufacturers are so insistent on making eco-friendly cars that are so abnormally weird and ugly-looking. Sure, you can spend an arm and a leg to get an eco-friendly car that doesn’t look like a weiner, or you could purchase a regular car with moderate eco-friendly upgrades, but should these really be the alternatives? Can’t we have cars that are good for the environment and good for picking up chicks and/or dudes? Hell, I’d settle for an eco-friendly car that was good for picking up ugly chicks and/or dudes. Do you really need to drive a Hummer just to get one?
A lot of government money is currently going into alternative energy, and new eco-friendly car models are coming out all the time. I just hope that some of these models look a little bit less like the male genitalia, and a little more like… well, like anything else. Sure, America wants to save the environment, but what’s the point if we’re all going to look like dicks?
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37 Comments, Comment or Ping
Jorge Velasques
That is true!!! lol
Mar 30th, 2008
Jaime
Mr. America - You are one dreamy cat. I love the site. I love the content. I love your balls. (Am I allowed to say that?)
Mar 30th, 2008
Ben Hutchinson
OK, now I’m never going to be able to drive around in my Prius and not feel like a complete dick. I always knew that my car wasn’t the most stylish in the world but now that I realize that it looks like male genitilia - well, I don’t know. I’m gonna feel pretty damn dickish. Dang it! AMERICA NEEDS scientists to stop making these eco-friendly cars look like dicks!!!
Good insight, indeed.
Mar 30th, 2008
Brian Zafron
Well written. Well thought out. Good job, Mr A.
Mar 30th, 2008
Jason
wait, that is deformed? damn.
Mar 31st, 2008
MrAmerica
@ Jaime - Yes, you are allowed to say you love my balls. Good question.
@ Jason - Take heart - you are saving Mother Earth. She loves you and I love you.
Mar 31st, 2008
Liam Delahunty
But aren’t “sexy” cars supposed to look like ****s? Perhaps that’s the whole point, make it as deformed penis like as possible, and someone might mistake it for a sports car.
Apr 1st, 2008
Krystian
It’s called aerodynamics.You want eco cars? then deal with the shape.
Apr 1st, 2008
Pete
At speed, upwards of 70% of the gas you burn is going to pushing air out of the way (air resistance). That phallic shape you mock is dictated by efficiency not some desire to make an ugly car. The aptera is an ideal case see www.aptera.com
Apr 1st, 2008
The Truth
Only one problem…they don’t get that much better gas mileage….Hybrid = marketing exploit….the 40 mpg comes from an airstrip on a sunny day in florida…. My school has a class right now studying the different forms of “eco-friendly” cars out there from an electrical engineering stand point….Just like e85 does more harm than good which is a whole other subject….
Apr 1st, 2008
Hachiko
Uh. Yeah, Ive never thought and still don’t think that they look anything remotely like dicks. I think your really trying to say something here to your readers. Maybe you should just you know, *come out* and just say it.
Apr 1st, 2008
George
Looks like a shoe, and it’s not a Prius. And what shape of car do women want to drive? (Oh snap, Girls can’t drive)
Apr 1st, 2008
Daklaw
An alternative fuel vehicle does not always equate to a misshapen phallus. You can use biodiesel on any diesel running vehicle. Yes, even a Hummer. Then there’s the Tesla, a purely electric sports car which a lot of people find akin to looking like a Ferrari. There’s also a new crop of diesels coming to the states from BMW and Mercedes Benz that are diesel versions of their popular lines of cars (which have recently shown to beat the prius in gas consumption). You can also convert practically any car you desire into an electric car.
Apr 1st, 2008
Logi
While I agree that the hybrids and other eco-friendly cars could be more stylish, I tend to think it’s a fixation on something other than the merely superficial that brings you to see those cars as phallic.
Unless I’ve misunderstood and it’s the deformity of their phalicism that puts you off and you want your cars to be strong and proud members?
Apr 1st, 2008
wPlop
Great article. Most hybrids and eco-friendly cars I’ve seen look terrible. Now that you mention it they do sorta look like dicks.
Apr 1st, 2008
XxX
Doesn’t anyone see?? They make them look like wangs
SO NOBODY WOULD BUY THEM!!
They don’t give a flying crap about the environment. All this “eco-developement” BS is there just to appease the tree huger activist crowd.
They want you to keep buying OIL. And yes, there is plenty of it, don’t let them fool you.
Wake up sheeple.
Apr 2nd, 2008
Phil
Think about it - if they made environmentally friendly cars that looked good, far too many people would buy them and the World Bank would start losing out on its oil revenue and “We Can’t Have That(TM)”
Apr 2nd, 2008
Telkom
If I could buy an eco-friendly car that was eye-friendly as well I would have done it a long time ago. Why they all have to be so damn ugly is only for the manufacturers to know. Maybe they’re not really serious about getting these cars to the mass market? Who wants to drive an ugly car? The car in the pic above looks like a Citroen (http://www.chooseyouritem.com/autos/photos/89000/89315.1986.Citroen.CX.jpg) that now has 2 less doors and a couple of curves.
DUDE. No.
Apr 2nd, 2008
Liam
This is required for aerodynamics.
Apr 2nd, 2008
Dom
Uhh, where you been dude, check out the Chevy Volt, there are also concept Hybrid SUV’s like the Taho on there way. Amarica just waited until it was technologically feasable to make the car actually look good. BEfore all that though, it woudl take you the life of the car in savings on gas to make up the cost of the premium you pay for a hybrid. Besides “helping the environment” (big deal) where is the benifit for the common man?
Apr 2nd, 2008
bossm4n
Yes, most first generation hybrids were less than pleasing to the eye. More importantly, the whole concept of hybrid cars is a joke. It’s more marketing and sales and trying to make people feel good about themselves and less guilty about driving a gasoline powered car. Even the best hybrid vehicles currently on the market only get up to 65 miles per gallon and all the hybrid converts like the Camry types only get a few MPG better mileage than there full-gas counterparts. Face it, hybrid is a bandaid and a poor one at that.
Apr 2nd, 2008
Tai
Actually, the insight is not a current model and the other hybrids out right now look just like the gas counterparts, for example: the civic hybrid, the camry hybrid, the accord hybrid, the lexus suv hybrid, etc.
This would have been true 5 years ago.
Apr 2nd, 2008
Eli
I’m not entirely sure what cars you’re referring to. The Insight you’ve got pictured hasn’t been produced for two years, and wasn’t very popular anywayt. The only abnormal looking hybrid car out there right now is the Prius, which has some debatable styling, but isn’t terrible. On the other hand I like the look of the Element, so I may be way off.
Tesla Motors also had something to say about this too, and they were very eloquent about it - http://www.teslamotors.com/about/company.php
Apr 2nd, 2008
bing
its true ,,, and actually i whipped out my dick the other day and my wife thought it looked like a Prius!
Apr 2nd, 2008
Mike
If your genitalia resembles that car in any way, I strongly suggest that you get yourself to a doctor immediately.
Apr 2nd, 2008
maricopa_returns
There’s nothing wrong with deformed wieners - I personally have one and it’s the source of my strength! My coworkers are all jealous of my Mongoloid one-eyed monster…
Apr 2nd, 2008
AvangionQ
“I am by no means a scientist, but I don’t understand why car manufacturers are so insistent on making eco-friendly cars that are so abnormally weird and ugly-looking.” … oh, there’s a simple answer for that — the car companies want to continue profiting from gas guzzlers, to the potential detriment of our environment, for as long as possible … if all electric cars outperformed the gas guzzlers, were better looking, safer and were less expensive, the switch over to fuel economic cars such as hybrids and all electric vehicles would have happened long ago — even before the waning end of the Peak Oil curve started causing oil prices to rise …
Apr 2nd, 2008
i2008
I was actually talking about this topic with my cousin 3 days ago. WHY in hell do they have to make Hybrid cars so damn ugly, the answer? SO WE DON’T BUY THEM. I would also pay for an over-price Hybrid car but DAMN, this government or car manufactures really don’t want us to have this cars. They know 99% of us think those cars are ugly and thats the only main reason why we don’t buy them. It takes probably less work to make a regular looking car with eco-friendly capabilities then it does to make those ugly weiner, space shuttle looking cars.
By the way, Exxon just made more money this first quarter then all the money made by ALL countries in America, except the US.
Gas Monopoly is whats stopping manufacturers from coming out with nice looking Hybrid Cars.
F**K BUSH by the way~!
Apr 2nd, 2008
eeb
how true! if someone made a hybrid car tt looked like a murcielago, the world will be way greener cos ppl would’t be ashamed to be seen driving it :D.
Apr 2nd, 2008
Garth O
I saw the title and read the content and I love it. No bullshit. I like that. Keep it up.
Apr 3rd, 2008
Sam Hagan
Aint that the truth. Love this site — you’re hilarious!
Apr 5th, 2008
Cars Quiz
Im still waiting for a couple new generation before I put the pedal to the metal
May 5th, 2008
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