Americans are inherently risk takers: we rebelled against the mighty British empire to win our independence, we were the first country to walk on the moon, and in the past eight years, we’ve elected and re-elected a President who can’t even tie his own shoes – not that there’s anything wrong with velcro. These risks, of course, are not without consequences, but as we venture into the future, we must attempt to mitigate the risks (and in turn, consequences) whenever possible. Thus, for the sake of America, before we start pissing off fellow Americans on a mass scale, we need to someone to decide when it’s officially OK to start making Heath Ledger jokes.

Sure, many Americans, including some of our late night comedians, have already taken the risk - and their jokes have been met with mixed reactions. However, these jokes have yet to creep into the mainstream American repertoire, alongside jokes about other dead celebrities, such as John Candy, Chris Farley, and Tori Spelling (she’s dead, right?). Sooner or later, more Americans will indeed start cracking Heath Ledger jokes, but if the American public is not ready, then many Americans could get pissed off and hurt feelings/distress/strings of assassinations by Batman fans could ensue.

At the moment, many Americans, your humble narrator included, are bottling up hilarious Heath Ledger jokes. (For example, what do Jake Gyllenhaal’s cherry and a bottle of Paxil have in common? Answer: They both got popped by Heath Ledger.) However, until someone says it’s officially OK for us to start making Heath Ledger jokes, America will be deprived of highly relevant humor. Sure, it’s tragic that Heath Ledger died at such an early age. But isn’t more tragic, I ask, if Americans can’t make fun of him for it?

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