#28 More Americans To Carry Grey Poupon In Their Cars
With the obvious exception of the Iraq War, Americans are a very well prepared people - mothers always carry extra baby wipes, douchebags always pack condoms in their wallets and glove compartments, and Calista Flockheart (aka Ally McBeal) always puts sandbags in her jacket before going outside on a windy day. However, Americans have also come up short on the condiment front - particularly unfortunate because we love eating and throwing unnecessary/fattening shit on top of our food. To be honest, it’s reached a point where Americans can no longer pull up to a fellow American’s car, and ask: “pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?” with even a slight chance of an affirmative answer. Moreover, it’s likely the other American will laugh in your face. Thus, for the sake of America’s eating betterment, and to help re-instate condiments into our culture, we need more Americans to carry Grey Poupon in their cars.
Many Americans do not understand the importance of condiments, regardless of how frequently they use them. However, the fact remains that condiments mean more calories, which yields fatter people, who, by virtue of their fatness, embody the American way. In other words, by not supporting condiments, particularly the more fattening ones like Grey Poupon, you are spitting in the face of patriotism. America, after all, is not a place for skinny people who question our country’s eating habits; it’s a place where a man can take a bath in ketchup, lick himself clean, and feel good about himself in the morning.
Even though Grey Poupon is originally a product of French culture, America has re-appropriated it as our own. However, if more Americans do not start carrying Grey Poupon in their cars, it might very well slip from our culture, much like it slipped from theirs. Maybe you think it’s ridiculous to ask a fellow American: “pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?” Maybe you aren’t even a huge fan of mustard in the first place. Whatever. I won’t fault on either account. However, next time you’re sitting in traffic with a dry hot dog on your lap, please. Do me a favor. Don’t even think about asking me to roll down my window. I’ve already told you to get your own Poupon.
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4 Comments, Comment or Ping
Summer
“Even though Grey Poupon is originally a product of French culture, America has re-appropriated it as our own.” I love this.
While we’re on the topic of condiments, there’s a restaurant down the street from where I live that refuses to serve ketchup. They even have the douchbaggiest sign by the register talking about how amazing their food is because they don’t need to bathe it in condiments. Ironically, if you order french fries, the ketchup magically appears.
It’ll be a sad, sad day if ketchup ever goes out of style.
Apr 28th, 2008
Uh
…douchebaggiest?
Apr 29th, 2008
Paul R. Potts
Probably worth mentioning that mustard is very low-calorie, almost no calories when compared to mayo or ketchup. 10 grams of Grey Poupon have about 10 calories; 10 grams of mayo have about 7 times that. Ketchup falls somewhere in between.
May 22nd, 2008
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