America is one of the most sexually conservative countries in the world. We have fewer nude beaches, harsher penalties for indecent exposure, and apparently, it’s still considered taboo to make out with your hot cousins on their birthdays. Given this conservatism, it is not surprising that over 90% of Americans claim to not be getting as much “action” as they would prefer. (Note: Data collected from an informal study amongst my close friends.) Meanwhile, not only do many American laws discourage sexuality, but some downright forbid it. Thus, in order to get more Americans the “action” they deserve, and start curbing our country’s institutionalization of “blueballness,” we need the American government to legalize sex in airplane lavatories.

Even with the growing expense of air travel, a large percentage of Americans fly on commercial planes every week. Moreover, if two Americans, perhaps co-workers, are able to find the time in their busy schedules to bone in the airplane lavatory, then their boning should not only be legally sanctioned, but by golly, it should be commended. Sure, some Americans are already members of the infamous “mile high club,” but the vast majority of them are either dirty liars (ie. my friends), or they joined the club on a solo membership (ie. my friends).

Obviously, it could be uncomfortable to hear two individuals having intercourse in the airplane lavatory, not to mention subsidiary health and safety concerns. However, America already has a pretty sizable reputation problem on our hands. Do we also really want to be known as a cockblock?

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