In my recent article about the decline of America’s fast food industry, I laid blame on Burger King (and their rapist mascot) for losing the trust of the American consumer. Soon after the post was published, I received a flood of e-mails from both BK fans and rapists from the around country, proclaiming that McDonald’s was also to blame for the state of America’s fast food industry. Although I was a little shaken by those e-mails which ended with the words “p.s. I want to rape you,” I eventually came to realize my shortsightedness - McDonald’s, just like BK, has totally screwed up in the trust department.

More specifically, their catchy slogan and slick advertising has made getting fat seem fun for almost seventy years. The result is a huge population of Americans who might be addicted to McDonald’s food, but are too fat and angry (about their fatness) to support the company, much less the industry. Thus, for the sake America and our fast food industry, and to restore trust with the American consumer, McDonald’s needs to change their slogan to something drastically more honest - for example, “C’mon, You’re Fat Anyway.”

Although this new slogan would certainly not encourage more Americans to start gorging on McDonald’s, America already has an ample supply of fat people. At this point, moreover, McDonald’s is best served by concentrating on these pre-existing fat people and winning back their support - after all, if only a few of America’s fattest people continued eating McDonald’s, or even Queen Latifah by herself, McDonald’s would still turn a profit and prosper for years to come.

The American public is tired of people lying to us - our parents, our politicians, and of course, our fast food companies. We simply want to be recognized for who and what we are: fat. Very, very fat. Moreover, if McDonald’s would respect this desire by changing their slogan to “C’mon You’re Fat Anyway,” the results would be significant. They would not only win back the trust of their fat American customers, but with a little luck, they could revitalize the reputation of the entire fast food industry.

In closing, just like the gays, Americans are fat and proud. It’s about time that the fast food industry got used to it.

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