Like it or not, there is a fairly good chance that Senator John McCain will become the next president of the United States of America. While there are indeed worse possibilities (Shaquille O’Neal, Hannibal Lector, and Hillary Clinton come to mind), America has the right to know exactly what we’re getting long before we hypothetically ever get it. Thus, for the sake of America, we need Senator John McCain to remove his makeup and reveal he’s a dinosaur.

Although many Americans would contend that the age of our presidential candidates is irrelevant to their candidacy, surely it would be a game changer to learn that McCain is in fact a dinosaur. Just like there are limits on the number of times you can make fun of a homeless person before being attacked, there must also be a limit on the age of our presidents. After all, since the majority of dinosaurs in the world (excluding the hosts of 60 Minutes) are already extinct, there’s a fairly solid chance that McCain could die during his presidency. While that would be cool if the vice president was elected by the people (preferably, the same educated elitists who support the likes of Barack Obama), that’s simply not the case. Rather, his VP will probably be someone who the Republican Party feel is the strongest counterpart to their Presidentosaurus – a gay-hating, gun-bearing, abortion-loving toddler, for example.

I’m not saying McCain could never be a fine president. Hell, I’m not even saying he’s definitively not a human being. However, from my novice perspective, it just seems that McCain bears a stronger resemblance to a triceratops than to Fred Flinstone. Thus, I ask: isn’t about time he took of the makeup and told us the truth?

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